


In Another Life

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Series: MML Discord Drabbles [2]
Category: Milo Murphy's Law, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Evil Scientist Balthazar Cavendish, Humor, M/M, Pistachio Abuse, Secret Agent Vinnie Dakota, Time Agent Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Time Agent Perry the Platypus, Two Shot, Wordcount: 100-1.000, as in the abuse of pistachios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 07:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Perry and Heinz are pistachio-protecting time travellers, and Dakota and Cavendish are do-gooder secret agent and evil scientist nemeses.





	1. Perryshmirtz

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on Priestlyislove’s idea for a roleswap (bc when are these drabbles NOT based on their work tbh)

_Plip. Plip. Plip._     
  
“Would you _quit_ that, Perry the Platypus?” Heinz shot Perry a glare that was met immediately with a wide-eyed, innocent stare right back at him. He shook his head. “Oh, no you don’t. That innocent-animal-big-eyes mess doesn’t work on me!! Not anymore!”    
  
A few seconds after Heinz looked away, Perry resumed his task of spitting pistachio shells at him. If the mumbling grumbling was anything to go by, Perry’s big, innocent platypus eyes _had_ worked their magic enough to keep Heinz from continuing to complain.    
  
Which was great and all, but Perry was still _bored_. Guarding pistachios wasn’t exactly the most exciting job in the world, after all.    
  
“Aren’t we supposed to be _protecting_ pistachios?” Heinz complained when yet-another shell managed to _plip_ him in the side of the nose. “You’re _eating_ them, Perry the Platypus. That seems like the _opposite_ of protecting them to me.”    
  
Perry gave a half-hearted shrug, and then gestured towards the large crates of pistachios that they were sitting on before holding up his tiny bag.    
  
Heinz rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Your irony is not lost on me. Ha, ha.”   
  
Silence. For a moment. And then...    
  
_Plip_.   
  
“Curse you, Perry the Platypus,” Heinz deadpanned, wiping spit from his face. Perry’s eyes crinkled in the way they did when he was unsuccessfully hiding mirth. “This is _not_ what I had in mind when we signed up to be _Time Agents_.”   
  
Perry shrugged again before poking Heinz in the side. When Heinz glared, he held up one hand in a surrender and then offered him the bag.    
  
“Oh.” Heinz still looked ruffled, but he broke after a moment and accepted the bag, taking a handful of pistachios.    
  
Perry had to pretend he wasn’t disappointed that Heinz began to merely consume them like normal, instead of cracking them open with his mouth like Perry had been doing.    
  
Oh well. Perry sighed before snatching another pawful for himself and shoving them into his mouth. More time for him to show off, then.    
  
_Plip. Plip. Plip._


	2. Dakavendish

“Ha _ha_!!” The _thwip_ ping of the trap and the sound of Cavendish’s ridiculously British voice overlapped into a unfortunately discordant cacophony the moment Dakota busted down the door. It was no different, of course, than the sounds in Cavendish’s lair any other day, but it was still enough to make Dakota wince.   
  
“I’ve _trapped_ you, Da _ko_ ta!” Cavendish seemed to delight in sounding as maniacal as possible, even though Dakota had told him again and again that the whole “evil foreign scientist” thing was overplayed. It was also much too dramatic for a town like Danville, but Cavendish didn’t like to take Dakota’s advice, so the whole Tri-State Area had to suffer for it.   
  
Right. The trap. The evil scientist. Focus, Dakota.

“Today is the day!” Cavendish crowed. He performed a strange hop-skip dance over to a large blackboard, where a shoddy chalk picture of Dakota caught in this trap was etched out. “See? I knew exactly what was going to happen when you got here! I _predicted_ it!”   
  
“Yeah, because this is what happens every day—“ Dakota began, but Cavendish (as usual) talked over him.   
  
“And it’s because I can see the future!” he continued. With a devilish cackle, the green-suited villain flipped the chalkboard over to reveal a similarly-sketched drawing of the Tri-State Area, with a doodle of Cavendish grinning dramatically and reaching for it drawn beside. “And what I foresee, Dakota, is that today will be the day that I, Balthazar Cavendish, finally take over the Tri-State Area!”   
  
“Yeah, sure,” Dakota replied, his voice lofty and patronising. “Good luck with that, Balthy.”   
  
The tips of Cavendish’s ears went red beneath his hat. “Don’t call me that!” he snapped, and Dakota chuckled, leaning back in the netting of his trap. He might as well get comfortable. After all, he was positive that whatever story Cavendish had spun up to say he’d gotten the magic ability to see the future was going to take a while to tell.   
  
And sure enough, Cavendish readjusted his tie and cleared his throat before marching back across the room and launching into a well-prepared monologue about green beans and their supposed magical properties. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/comments are love! Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans.


End file.
